nausicaa83: (<ponyo> hug)
Look, a proper entry from my pc and not from my cellphone! The eyesight is still funky, so sorry in advance for any weird spelling. They said it takes time to get better. Anyway, here's what I've been doing these last few days: walking in the sun with my cousin, I went to the pharmacy to buy a soap and a new cream, I did my first cortisol shot with a super sweet doctor who moved here from Africa 30 years ago (we live in a very small town in the mountains of Piedmont, believe me when I say we were not expecting a doctor who came from anywhere but Northern Italy). I'm eating a lot, and everything's so delicious and I missed my aunt's cooking so much. I'm re-wathing all Studio Ghibli films, and I even made my own breakfast yesterday! I was a bit worried to use the stove, with the eyesight and everything, but I did it and boy, it was even more delicious because I did it all by myself. ^^

So yep, these antidepressants are really working. I was a bit worried they'd make me sleepy, but so far they just make me feel at ease and... normal. Just myself.

And thank you thank you thank you for all your messages. I don't reply because of the eyesight that makes it really hard to write, but I read them all a hundred times and cherish every single one. I love you guys! ♥
nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

Guys, I'm home. I had to stay a day longer for another exam, but yesterday afternoon I finally came home. I held it together up until the door, then started wailing, and gave a terrible scare to my aunt and uncle. It was happy tears but they didn't know it. After that Francesca organized all my meds, cut my hair that was falling out because of the radiotherapy, gave me a shower and then we all had dinner and went to sleep at a normal hour.
I'm also on antidepressants for three months. Boy do I need them. I sleep better but I'm still anxious all day. It's gonna take a while, and I do need the help.
More updates to follow. :*

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

Big news, they're sending me home on thursday afternoon (tomorrow!) right after the tenth and last session. Yesterday I met again with the radiologist and he was ecstatic at my progress, then I did a heart exam and the old ticker works great too. Tati came by and spent three days with me and that helped enormously with my mood. Next week I'm meeting with my oncologist and she'll update my meds. Tomorrow my cousin will come and collect me. She was worried I'd be offended because she wants to walk me out of here on a wheelchair, to be safe. I told her she can use a clown car as long as she gets me out of the hospital. ;) So, one session in a few hours, one session tomorrow and it's over. Almost there, my friends. Almost there.

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

7th session done, I met the other lady who does brain radiotherapy and we bonded. The food is always excellent and my roommate is adorable. They cut my cortisol intake to 4 mgs a day, which is great because I was starving all the time. A healthy appetite is great and all but it was getting ridicolous. Now it's another stupid long weekend, so I need to be patient again. My cousin came by yesterday and washed my hair, and that helped a lot. I feel light and my head smells great. I'm in no pain whatsover and I sleep like a log every night. Only bad thing that happened was that panic attack the other day, but it was caused by a specific person from outside the hospial who I've cut off from my life now, so even that it's over and done. Things are good.

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

Wow, that's longer than I thought! Anyway today was the 6th session, the eyesight is still funky but they told me to keep being patient, and I'm eating a lot. Yesterday evening I got a panic attack but with the help of my roommate I felt better really quickly and slept like a log. Tomorrow it's the 7th session, then it's a long weekend, then the final 3. Patience patience patience.

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

Three sessions done, seven to go. We skip the weekend, then it's monday, then stupid tuesday is a national holiday, then three more days and it's the weekend again. Good news is, I didn't have any side effects after the first one, so it's all smooth sailing from here. By the 5th session my sight should go back to normal, I really can't wait. Also the hospital food here is delicious, and that helps a lot with the mood. Small steps but I'm not giving up. And today my aunt will come by to help me take a shower, I can't wait!

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

First radiotherapy session done. It was the worst one, they compared it to exposing your brain to direct sunlight, but quite frankly I was expecting way worse. I feel knackered but not bad. And starting tomorrow it shouldn't give me any bad side effects anymore, so we'll finally start on the feeling better process. It's ten sessions in total, but we skip the weekends. I'll be out of here in early May.
Thanks everyone for the comments and texts, they mean so much to me.

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> thinking of you)

So here's why I've disappeared lately. As soon as I came back from London I started having terrible headackes, partial blindness in my right eye, the works. On monday I had my usual pet scan, and that's when I collapsed, got rushed to the ER, and four exams later they found methastasis in my brain. Because why not. So now I'm stuck in the hospital for at least a month. On tuesday we'll get the plan ready, and then it's a few weeks of radiotherapy.
Now, it's not the main illness, that's still in the breast, so it could be a lot worse. And at least I managed to see the concert in London first. Now I have to fight this too, and in a month I'll be back home! Plus my uncle promised me a trip to Genoa as soon as I feel better.

nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> start a new journey)
Last entry before departure: I got my tickets, I got my passport, I got my suitcase. Hope I didn't forget anything important. I got a make-up bag full of medicines because I get super anxious everytime I have to leave the country. I'll take pictures on my phone because that camera is way better than the actual camera I bought in 2012.

The last few days were spent taking long walks downtown to build up my stamina, marathoning all the X-Men movies (except for the ones Days of Future Past made irrelevant, because those two suck anyway), going to the cinema to watch Beauty and the Beast, which I loved. Today we're going to visit Tati's sister and her baby, and then I hope I'll be able to sleep, because I'm always anxious the night before I have to take a plane.

See you on the other side! \o/
nausicaa83: (<x-men> logan & laura)
I've been back home in Venice for a couple of days. The weather is wonderful, as spring has finally arrived, and I feel at peace and relaxed. And yet I'm having problems sleeping, or to be more precise, I sleep just fine, but I wake up really early, even when there's no need to. It's like my brain suddenly needs fewer hours of sleep to recharge. I guess the sudden weather change is to blame, but it doesn't bother me, so we'll see how long it lasts.

Next week I'm leaving for London with Tati, where we'll meet up with my cousin, who's currently in Ireland with her boyfriend (who lives and works there). We'll stay there the weekend of Tati's birthday, for the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra World Tour concert, then we'll all come back here together, just in time for my next treatment. It was supposed to be on the day I had to take the plane, but my oncologist moved it to the following week so I could go see the concert. The plan now is to take a long walk every day until then so that my muscles and lungs can stand three days as a tourist. Obviously I'm going to be very careful, take frequent breaks, take cabs instead of the subway, to minimize the strain on my body. I'm equal parts excited and very nervous. And part of me still can't believe it's actually happening!

Speaking of, yesterday I went to the cinema by myself for the first time since the diagnosis. I've always loved going to the cinema alone, but ever since 2015 I've rarely left the house without a chaperone, for good reason. And even when I started coming back here on my own, I still preferred to keep my outings short, and always have the cellphone ready to call for help. So yeah, this was huge. I wore my cute red coat, took a commemorative picture, and then turned my phone off for two hours. And the movie I chose for this momentous occasion was Logan. Because I enjoy weaving metaphors in my life. :D

Joking about metaphors of rebirth aside, that movie was amazing. With the rating, and the Hurt trailer, I kinda had an idea of what it was going to be like, but holy shit. It was like Children of Men but it made me cry even more. I think I cried at least six separate times over the course of two hours, one of which was just because they used my favourite Johnny Cash song, The Man Comes Around. It was so good, and so well-acted, and so devastating. I've been watching X-Men movies since 2003, and I couldn't have asked for a better ending. They just peaked with this one, and anything after this would just be... less.

And now, I have to do laundry! I love how even the most mundane tasks take a whole different meaning now. ^^
nausicaa83: (<flash> selfie)
I'm back in Piedmont for a week. Yesterday I went to the hospital for the usual therapy, although there was a bit of a mishap. They were supposed to do the usual blood tests, and leave the needle inside my arm for the drip later. The nurses thought I was only meant to do the blood tests, so they took the needle out, to which I reacted shouting "wait, I need that later, put it back!!". You can imagine their faces. They did not put the needle back in, in case you were wondering, and so I had to be poked again three hours later when they attached me to the drip. Oh well. Did my therapy, saw my oncologist, who made me promise I'll show her pictures of my trip to London next time. Yep, the trip is coming, I can't believe it!

While I was in Venice my cousin's professor wrote back with his corrections to our first draft of the thesis, and they were all cosmetic ones (commas, how to write notes, etc), but I was so nervous while reading them Tati had to make me sit down and drink a glass of water. I had forgotten how stressful it can be, to read a professor's corrections on a paper you wrote, and not knowing if it sucked until you get to the end. It's been ten years since I graduated, I am so not used to it anymore.

Anyway, I'm taking a week here to help my cousin with the rest of the thesis, especially the intro and the final chapter, and then I'm back in Venice so that we can fix those gas tubes with the plumbers. It's like jumping from 22-year-old me to 33-year-old me back and forth. So weird.

I've decided to do a re-watch of Person of Interest from the start, although with the thesis and all I'll only be able to do it in the evening. I miss that show. ♥
nausicaa83: (<person of interest> suicide pact)
This week back in Venice is almost over, and it went faster than usual. I had a lot of appointments, and that really made the time fly. I went to the bank and I had to spend a whole hour there before they finally did what I went there for; then I had the plumber over and guess what, I have to remake the whole methane gas tubes system thingy, because the house was built in the seventies and it's not safe anymore. Bye bye money. The plumbers will have to come back next time I'm here, and check the chimney, and then we can start installing the new tubes.

On sunday my aunt and uncle came here too, so that today they could go to the cemetery in Venice and make arrangements for my mom's tombstone. I did that twice already, for my dad and my sister, and I seriously couldn't go through all that one more time. So they did everything for me, and then I got a lot of hugs when they came back home, and my aunt is going to make me frittelle because she loves to spoil me. I feel very loved! And while looking for a good picture of mom to put on the tombstone my aunt kept finding great pictures of yours truly that I didn't remember at all, so there was a silver lining. ^^

In fandom news I finally sat down and watched the last season of Person of Interest. I didn't watch it when it aired last spring because I was going through chemo, and watching something that I loved so much ending was definitely too much for my mindset back then. Now that I feel a lot better, I decided to give it a go, and yes, it was as beautiful and heartbreaking as I thought. The ending was a tiny bit different from what I thought it was going to be, but I loved it nonetheless. I'm so glad it could have a proper ending, but it was still a very bittersweet feeling to say goodbye to the team.
nausicaa83: (<literature> history)
Quick update on the thesis, today we're sending our first draft to Francesca's professor. I'm so nervous, let's hope he likes it! I was talking with my therapist yesterday, and we both agreed on how much this has helped me: working, having a purpose, doing something that only I can do, it makes me feel so useful, something that I haven't felt ever since this whole cancer thing started. I have noodle arms, so helping with physical tasks is out of the question (when I try I get tackled by the nearest family member and offered a cup of herbal tea), but using my brain is exactly what I'm good at! \o/

Yesterday I was talking with my aunt about the thesis, and it quickly snowballed into a heated discussion about angelic hierarchies and politheism in monotheistic religions. Then we had a glass of warm milk and honey and went back to the role of Michael as related to God. I'm learning so much while working on this thesis, and there is so much food for thought and discussion.

Unrelated, but have you heard the news? Philip Pullman is publishing a new trilogy, the Book of Dust, set in the same universe as His Dark Materials, and Lyra will be back! I'm so excited, I loved those books so much, but I never thought we'd get more novels. What a wonderful announcement!
nausicaa83: (<ghibli> wind rises kiss)
Happy name day to me! I see lots of chocolate in my near future. *_____*

I've been spending the last week helping my cousin re-write all her graduation thesis. It's about the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Qumran sect, and the concepts of dualism and predeterminism in Judaism. It's fascinating, and exactly my jam! (For those of you who weren't here 11 years ago, I graduated in Archaeology with a thesis on Roman Topography) I'm learning a lot of stuff, and after the first couple of days where I got huge headaches, my brain is finally back in top shape, and by the end of the week we should already have a draft good enough to be sent to her Professor. I'm equal parts nervous and excited! Plus it makes me feel useful and it gives me a lot of purpose, it's really a great thing to do.

Next week I have a dreadful appointment so some doctors can visit me and decide if I deserve my invalidity pension (in Italy cancer patients have a pension that gets renewed every year after a visit). It's a red tape kind of thing, but we'll have to talk in detail about all my exams, medicines, everything from 2015 up to now. It's going to be brutal. After that we'll have lunch at a japanese place because I'm going to need the pick-me-up.

In fandom news, I watched all Bojack Horseman and holy shit was that a great show. The writing is absolutely stunning. And the acting! It's really incredible. We really do live in a golden age for animation.

What else? I'm reading American Gods in the original English, and loving it. I read it years ago, and I remember only a couple of scenes and maybe a bit of the ending, so in light of the new tv series coming I thought it would be a good idea to re-read the novel. I'm loving it, although I keep getting distracted by fanfics. Too little time, too many fandoms. ^^"

I should go back to Venice next week for a quick visit. It's smack in the middle of the Carnevale, so usually I'd avoid that period, but I have a couple of things to do and most importantly my aunt and uncle will come with! I am so getting my aunt to make me frittelle di Carnevale! *_____*
nausicaa83: (<black mirror> heaven)
I can't believe it's been two weeks already since my last entry! The big news is, I had my quarterly visit with my oncologist, and it went splendidly! She says everything's going great, and that I'm to keep taking the same meds and we'll see each other again in April. That means that this is officially the longest I've been doing the same medicine ever since I started doing chemo. \o/ We also talked about the Concert (it's a concert in London I bought tickets for last May, as soon as I finished the first round of chemo - it's Yoko Shimomura, whose music I adore, but it's also a promise I made to myself to keep feeling better and better so that a year later I could take a plane and visit another country, a promise it turns out I kept!), and she was very enthusiastic about it and rescheduled my March appointment so that I could go! And she asked me to make her a cd of Shimomura-san's music too! How cool is that?

Next monday I'm going back to Venice for a week, as I have to meet with my lawyer and go to the bank. And also tell everyone I know how brilliantly the visit went. :D On wednesday I already have an appointment with my therapist, who I couldn't see last time because of the awful combination of cold weather and delicate lungs. This time the weather should be nice, plus my therapist has started doing pet therapy too, and I'm hoping I'll get to see one of the dogs. She sent me some pictures, they look so cute and huggable!

In fandom news, I watched Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency on Netflix, and I absolutely adored it. It's a fantastic adaptation of a series of novels by Douglas Adams, and it's as weird and funny as you would expect it to be, while having fantastic plot and character development, a diverse cast, great female characters with their own storylines and agendas who are never sexualized, and really great acting. It's eight episodes, around six hours long, and it's *Arthur Shappey's voice* brilliant. *____*

Now I have to run, my uncle went out to buy pizzas, and at 9 pm we're going to the cinema to watch Rogue One (third time for me!) ♥
nausicaa83: (<steven universe> we always save the day)
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it was a great start of the new year for all of you! Me, I watched Singing In The Rain, toasted with my uncle, watched the neighbours shoot fireworks in the garden, and then slept like a log because I'm not used to stay awake that late, or drinking alcohol. :D

Health news first, the other exam results came in, and even though they're all good too, my oncologist is thinking of adjusting my therapy, basically by changing the main medicine I take. It's pretty standard with immunotherapy, as they keep telling me, but I'm still an anxious ball of nerves who hates changes in her routine. They might still decide not to do it, but either way they'll call me with their decision on the matter soon.

There's been some changes to LJ lately that I've only just heard about. They moved their servers from California to Russia, so everyone is freaking out that they're going to close the English-speaking parts of the site. Could be, although I'm much more worried about those awful anti-lgbt laws they have in Russia. I've had a dreamwidth account for years, where I do a back-up of my blog every few months. It's nausicaa83 over there as well, so feel free to add me. I'll start using it as my main blog only when LJ closes down definitely, as this is my home and I have tons of icons I don't want to lose. And my beautiful theme! *sigh*

In fandom news, they leaked all the episodes to the Steven Universe bomb they'll air next month. It was, again, an official leak from Cartoon Network. I just don't understand it. Do they want their most lucrative show to lose ratings so badly? Why would they do that? As I'm not American and have no way of contribute to the ratings, I watched the leaked episodes and loved them to pieces, but I'm still puzzled by this whole situation.

I'm going back home to Venice this weekend, but only for a week. I have to get a few papers at City Hall for my uncle, and I really miss my cat. ^^
nausicaa83: (<tangled> lanterns)
Hope you're all having a great time with your family and loved ones! Happy Holidays, of whatever kind you celebrate!

Quick update, I caught some stupid virus from my aunt, and spent the last three days with a fever and a horrible cough. Nothing serious, only really annoying. I drank a lot of fluids, took my meds, spent the days in bed with my laptop. Boring but effective, because today I feel a lot better.

Just before the fever hit I managed to do the usual exam for my heart (the meds I take can affect the heart, so I have to keep an eye on it), and everything looks great as always. So yay! I'm so happy I had the exam when I did, because six hours later I wouldn't have been able to leave the house, so double yay for my body's timing. Now I'm free until the 29th, when it's time for the usual immunotherapy.

In other news I'm still marathoning Prison Break, and it really helped passing the time when sick. I'm almost halfway through season 4, and really, really loving it. Great acting, great dialogues, but most of all a great story that keeps raising the stakes with every new season. *____*

So that's it for me. Happy Holidays everyone!
nausicaa83: (<cardcaptor sakura> fangirling)
Just came back from watching Rogue One, so here's the obligatory spoiler-free entry: it was brilliant, in every aspect, the perfect blend of beautiful plot and character development, nostalgia and modern storytelling. I loved every character in that fantastically diverse cast, I loved Jyn to pieces, and Andor, and that scene with Vader in the hallway was worth the price of the ticket alone! I got chills, I cried, I squeed in delight. The cameos and nods to the original trilogy were handled amazingly well, perfectly woven into the story without being jarring. And those cgi characters were seriously well-done, kudos.

But most of all the story, the dialogue, the characters! The way they depicted the Rebel Alliance, in a way they'd never done before, and that I wasn't expecting at all. The beaches. Yavin 4. My new otp, which is incredibly easy to identify if you know me. The music! The fight scenes with the X-Wings, that looked even better than in The Force Awakens! The more I think about it, the more I love this movie. \o/

Comments will probably contain spoilers, so if you've seen this wonderful movie, come squeal with me!
nausicaa83: (<just dance> cercavo amore)
Great news everybody! Yesterday I had the big exams I have every three months, and lo and behold one of them shows my cancer is in remission! Some parts have disappeared, the rest has strongly diminished. I've gone through all stages of joy and relief, which included vibrating at such a high frequency the doctors told me I had to relax or they couldn't do the other exam. Then I came home and crashed. Goodbye adrenaline, my old friend.

Other highlights of the past few days include one of the doctors, the one who operated on me a few months back, telling me he could never forget me because I'm such a great person he looks up to me and my strength. Which left me blabbering and blushing for half an hour at least. That was so unexpected and so nice!

Then, on the evening before the exams I saved my family's life! We were all sitting in the kitchen, watching tv, and I started feeling weird and it hurt between my eyes. I ran to check the hob and there was gas leaking out. We opened all windows, and sat in the cold night air breathing it in for a while. My aunt got really scared, and now she insists on buying one of those thingies that can tell when there's a gas leak. I'll see if I can get one on amazon. She also called me her guardian angel, and I haven't stopped smiling since. ^^

In fandom news, I binge-watched all of Legends of Tomorrow, and it was surprisingly much better than the reviews I had read said! The first season suffers from a very boring villain, and that Kendra and Carter storyline, but other than that I thought it was intriguing and funny, and there were a couple of plot twists there that had me shouting at the screen. With the second season we got much better villains (one of my favourite villains ever, let's face it) and Sara got an even larger role, so I'm as happy as I can be with the direction the show has taken. Plus I really love Amaya, and I hope that cameo in episode 9 means a certain someone is coming back to the show for good.

I've also started watching Prison Break, super late, I know, and so far I'm really intrigued. I started watching it because of Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell, but I'm really enjoying everything about it. I have to say I'm a bit puzzled they did four seasons of it, considering the premise should cover one season at best, but hey, I'm only at episode four, so what do I know? *shrugs*

So yep, it's been a pretty eventful week for me. My cousin comes back from Ireland tomorrow, and on sunday we're going to see Rogue One together, and then have sushi. We did the same thing last year, almost to the day. I had just started chemo, I was still hurting everywhere and I'd just lost my hair. A couple of days later I got surgery for the cvc. It was as tiring as climbing a mountain, but I was so ecstatic to be out of the house for something other than being in the hospital. So now it's our December tradition to celebrate how far I've come: watch a Star Wars movie, have sushi, and this time nothing is going to hurt! \o/
nausicaa83: (<flash> superfriends)
So here's the update about how I've been doing! I still need to learn that my body is a lot weaker than I'm used to, and everytime I'm caught in a cold draft I end up with a stiff neck for a week, coughing and the like. So there's that. But at least I don't panic anymore, and that counts as a win. I've been to therapy twice, tried to arrange for the plumber to come over, I finally got the receipt for my taxes back from the accountant, and arranged a meeting with my lawyer.

Other than that boring - but awesome because it makes me feel like a normal competent adult again - stuff, I've been doing lots of wonderful things that make me feel like a normal adult with hobbies. In no particular order, I've been taking lots of cute pictures of my cat:


Baking cookies for the first time in almost two years:


And they came out delicious, if I do say so myself. I've been playing World of Final Fantasy and Final Fantasy XV and enjoying them both a lot, even though I'll have to wait to continue playing FFXV until January because I don't have a PS4 back in Piedmont. The new Rivers of London book finally came out, and it was brilliant. They finally went back to London and the main plot was back again, although I wish they'd spent more time in the Folly. It felt like we were barely there. It was still great to see Nightingale again, though.

I've been binge-watching Supergirl, and it's adorable although the plot is kinda weak, especially considering how it's the strongest aspect of The Flash. I love how the cast is mostly female, and how they are not even in the vicinity of fucking around when talking about sexism. Plus the way the coming out story was handled was perfect and had me in tears at how great it was, and if only they eased up on the love triangles for Kara and gave us a stronger main plot it would be absolutely perfect. I feel a bit envious of today's little girls who have shows like this one, to be honest.

I'm also re-watching season 2 of The Flash because I love it, and I get to watch the blurays on my awesome tv instead of mkv files on my laptop. HD quality, oh yeah. *_____* Today the super crossover finally started (I don't think the Supergirl episode really counts), and it was everything I wanted and more. I watched it twice in a row squealing and cheering. It feels so good to be so invested in a tv show again! \o/

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