nausicaa83: (<ponyo> hug)
Look, a proper entry from my pc and not from my cellphone! The eyesight is still funky, so sorry in advance for any weird spelling. They said it takes time to get better. Anyway, here's what I've been doing these last few days: walking in the sun with my cousin, I went to the pharmacy to buy a soap and a new cream, I did my first cortisol shot with a super sweet doctor who moved here from Africa 30 years ago (we live in a very small town in the mountains of Piedmont, believe me when I say we were not expecting a doctor who came from anywhere but Northern Italy). I'm eating a lot, and everything's so delicious and I missed my aunt's cooking so much. I'm re-wathing all Studio Ghibli films, and I even made my own breakfast yesterday! I was a bit worried to use the stove, with the eyesight and everything, but I did it and boy, it was even more delicious because I did it all by myself. ^^

So yep, these antidepressants are really working. I was a bit worried they'd make me sleepy, but so far they just make me feel at ease and... normal. Just myself.

And thank you thank you thank you for all your messages. I don't reply because of the eyesight that makes it really hard to write, but I read them all a hundred times and cherish every single one. I love you guys! ♥
nausicaa83: (<x-men> logan & laura)
I've been back home in Venice for a couple of days. The weather is wonderful, as spring has finally arrived, and I feel at peace and relaxed. And yet I'm having problems sleeping, or to be more precise, I sleep just fine, but I wake up really early, even when there's no need to. It's like my brain suddenly needs fewer hours of sleep to recharge. I guess the sudden weather change is to blame, but it doesn't bother me, so we'll see how long it lasts.

Next week I'm leaving for London with Tati, where we'll meet up with my cousin, who's currently in Ireland with her boyfriend (who lives and works there). We'll stay there the weekend of Tati's birthday, for the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra World Tour concert, then we'll all come back here together, just in time for my next treatment. It was supposed to be on the day I had to take the plane, but my oncologist moved it to the following week so I could go see the concert. The plan now is to take a long walk every day until then so that my muscles and lungs can stand three days as a tourist. Obviously I'm going to be very careful, take frequent breaks, take cabs instead of the subway, to minimize the strain on my body. I'm equal parts excited and very nervous. And part of me still can't believe it's actually happening!

Speaking of, yesterday I went to the cinema by myself for the first time since the diagnosis. I've always loved going to the cinema alone, but ever since 2015 I've rarely left the house without a chaperone, for good reason. And even when I started coming back here on my own, I still preferred to keep my outings short, and always have the cellphone ready to call for help. So yeah, this was huge. I wore my cute red coat, took a commemorative picture, and then turned my phone off for two hours. And the movie I chose for this momentous occasion was Logan. Because I enjoy weaving metaphors in my life. :D

Joking about metaphors of rebirth aside, that movie was amazing. With the rating, and the Hurt trailer, I kinda had an idea of what it was going to be like, but holy shit. It was like Children of Men but it made me cry even more. I think I cried at least six separate times over the course of two hours, one of which was just because they used my favourite Johnny Cash song, The Man Comes Around. It was so good, and so well-acted, and so devastating. I've been watching X-Men movies since 2003, and I couldn't have asked for a better ending. They just peaked with this one, and anything after this would just be... less.

And now, I have to do laundry! I love how even the most mundane tasks take a whole different meaning now. ^^
nausicaa83: (<flash> selfie)
I'm back in Piedmont for a week. Yesterday I went to the hospital for the usual therapy, although there was a bit of a mishap. They were supposed to do the usual blood tests, and leave the needle inside my arm for the drip later. The nurses thought I was only meant to do the blood tests, so they took the needle out, to which I reacted shouting "wait, I need that later, put it back!!". You can imagine their faces. They did not put the needle back in, in case you were wondering, and so I had to be poked again three hours later when they attached me to the drip. Oh well. Did my therapy, saw my oncologist, who made me promise I'll show her pictures of my trip to London next time. Yep, the trip is coming, I can't believe it!

While I was in Venice my cousin's professor wrote back with his corrections to our first draft of the thesis, and they were all cosmetic ones (commas, how to write notes, etc), but I was so nervous while reading them Tati had to make me sit down and drink a glass of water. I had forgotten how stressful it can be, to read a professor's corrections on a paper you wrote, and not knowing if it sucked until you get to the end. It's been ten years since I graduated, I am so not used to it anymore.

Anyway, I'm taking a week here to help my cousin with the rest of the thesis, especially the intro and the final chapter, and then I'm back in Venice so that we can fix those gas tubes with the plumbers. It's like jumping from 22-year-old me to 33-year-old me back and forth. So weird.

I've decided to do a re-watch of Person of Interest from the start, although with the thesis and all I'll only be able to do it in the evening. I miss that show. ♥
nausicaa83: (<person of interest> suicide pact)
This week back in Venice is almost over, and it went faster than usual. I had a lot of appointments, and that really made the time fly. I went to the bank and I had to spend a whole hour there before they finally did what I went there for; then I had the plumber over and guess what, I have to remake the whole methane gas tubes system thingy, because the house was built in the seventies and it's not safe anymore. Bye bye money. The plumbers will have to come back next time I'm here, and check the chimney, and then we can start installing the new tubes.

On sunday my aunt and uncle came here too, so that today they could go to the cemetery in Venice and make arrangements for my mom's tombstone. I did that twice already, for my dad and my sister, and I seriously couldn't go through all that one more time. So they did everything for me, and then I got a lot of hugs when they came back home, and my aunt is going to make me frittelle because she loves to spoil me. I feel very loved! And while looking for a good picture of mom to put on the tombstone my aunt kept finding great pictures of yours truly that I didn't remember at all, so there was a silver lining. ^^

In fandom news I finally sat down and watched the last season of Person of Interest. I didn't watch it when it aired last spring because I was going through chemo, and watching something that I loved so much ending was definitely too much for my mindset back then. Now that I feel a lot better, I decided to give it a go, and yes, it was as beautiful and heartbreaking as I thought. The ending was a tiny bit different from what I thought it was going to be, but I loved it nonetheless. I'm so glad it could have a proper ending, but it was still a very bittersweet feeling to say goodbye to the team.
nausicaa83: (<literature> history)
Quick update on the thesis, today we're sending our first draft to Francesca's professor. I'm so nervous, let's hope he likes it! I was talking with my therapist yesterday, and we both agreed on how much this has helped me: working, having a purpose, doing something that only I can do, it makes me feel so useful, something that I haven't felt ever since this whole cancer thing started. I have noodle arms, so helping with physical tasks is out of the question (when I try I get tackled by the nearest family member and offered a cup of herbal tea), but using my brain is exactly what I'm good at! \o/

Yesterday I was talking with my aunt about the thesis, and it quickly snowballed into a heated discussion about angelic hierarchies and politheism in monotheistic religions. Then we had a glass of warm milk and honey and went back to the role of Michael as related to God. I'm learning so much while working on this thesis, and there is so much food for thought and discussion.

Unrelated, but have you heard the news? Philip Pullman is publishing a new trilogy, the Book of Dust, set in the same universe as His Dark Materials, and Lyra will be back! I'm so excited, I loved those books so much, but I never thought we'd get more novels. What a wonderful announcement!
nausicaa83: (<ghibli> wind rises kiss)
Happy name day to me! I see lots of chocolate in my near future. *_____*

I've been spending the last week helping my cousin re-write all her graduation thesis. It's about the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Qumran sect, and the concepts of dualism and predeterminism in Judaism. It's fascinating, and exactly my jam! (For those of you who weren't here 11 years ago, I graduated in Archaeology with a thesis on Roman Topography) I'm learning a lot of stuff, and after the first couple of days where I got huge headaches, my brain is finally back in top shape, and by the end of the week we should already have a draft good enough to be sent to her Professor. I'm equal parts nervous and excited! Plus it makes me feel useful and it gives me a lot of purpose, it's really a great thing to do.

Next week I have a dreadful appointment so some doctors can visit me and decide if I deserve my invalidity pension (in Italy cancer patients have a pension that gets renewed every year after a visit). It's a red tape kind of thing, but we'll have to talk in detail about all my exams, medicines, everything from 2015 up to now. It's going to be brutal. After that we'll have lunch at a japanese place because I'm going to need the pick-me-up.

In fandom news, I watched all Bojack Horseman and holy shit was that a great show. The writing is absolutely stunning. And the acting! It's really incredible. We really do live in a golden age for animation.

What else? I'm reading American Gods in the original English, and loving it. I read it years ago, and I remember only a couple of scenes and maybe a bit of the ending, so in light of the new tv series coming I thought it would be a good idea to re-read the novel. I'm loving it, although I keep getting distracted by fanfics. Too little time, too many fandoms. ^^"

I should go back to Venice next week for a quick visit. It's smack in the middle of the Carnevale, so usually I'd avoid that period, but I have a couple of things to do and most importantly my aunt and uncle will come with! I am so getting my aunt to make me frittelle di Carnevale! *_____*
nausicaa83: (<steven universe> we always save the day)
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it was a great start of the new year for all of you! Me, I watched Singing In The Rain, toasted with my uncle, watched the neighbours shoot fireworks in the garden, and then slept like a log because I'm not used to stay awake that late, or drinking alcohol. :D

Health news first, the other exam results came in, and even though they're all good too, my oncologist is thinking of adjusting my therapy, basically by changing the main medicine I take. It's pretty standard with immunotherapy, as they keep telling me, but I'm still an anxious ball of nerves who hates changes in her routine. They might still decide not to do it, but either way they'll call me with their decision on the matter soon.

There's been some changes to LJ lately that I've only just heard about. They moved their servers from California to Russia, so everyone is freaking out that they're going to close the English-speaking parts of the site. Could be, although I'm much more worried about those awful anti-lgbt laws they have in Russia. I've had a dreamwidth account for years, where I do a back-up of my blog every few months. It's nausicaa83 over there as well, so feel free to add me. I'll start using it as my main blog only when LJ closes down definitely, as this is my home and I have tons of icons I don't want to lose. And my beautiful theme! *sigh*

In fandom news, they leaked all the episodes to the Steven Universe bomb they'll air next month. It was, again, an official leak from Cartoon Network. I just don't understand it. Do they want their most lucrative show to lose ratings so badly? Why would they do that? As I'm not American and have no way of contribute to the ratings, I watched the leaked episodes and loved them to pieces, but I'm still puzzled by this whole situation.

I'm going back home to Venice this weekend, but only for a week. I have to get a few papers at City Hall for my uncle, and I really miss my cat. ^^
nausicaa83: (<just dance> cercavo amore)
Great news everybody! Yesterday I had the big exams I have every three months, and lo and behold one of them shows my cancer is in remission! Some parts have disappeared, the rest has strongly diminished. I've gone through all stages of joy and relief, which included vibrating at such a high frequency the doctors told me I had to relax or they couldn't do the other exam. Then I came home and crashed. Goodbye adrenaline, my old friend.

Other highlights of the past few days include one of the doctors, the one who operated on me a few months back, telling me he could never forget me because I'm such a great person he looks up to me and my strength. Which left me blabbering and blushing for half an hour at least. That was so unexpected and so nice!

Then, on the evening before the exams I saved my family's life! We were all sitting in the kitchen, watching tv, and I started feeling weird and it hurt between my eyes. I ran to check the hob and there was gas leaking out. We opened all windows, and sat in the cold night air breathing it in for a while. My aunt got really scared, and now she insists on buying one of those thingies that can tell when there's a gas leak. I'll see if I can get one on amazon. She also called me her guardian angel, and I haven't stopped smiling since. ^^

In fandom news, I binge-watched all of Legends of Tomorrow, and it was surprisingly much better than the reviews I had read said! The first season suffers from a very boring villain, and that Kendra and Carter storyline, but other than that I thought it was intriguing and funny, and there were a couple of plot twists there that had me shouting at the screen. With the second season we got much better villains (one of my favourite villains ever, let's face it) and Sara got an even larger role, so I'm as happy as I can be with the direction the show has taken. Plus I really love Amaya, and I hope that cameo in episode 9 means a certain someone is coming back to the show for good.

I've also started watching Prison Break, super late, I know, and so far I'm really intrigued. I started watching it because of Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell, but I'm really enjoying everything about it. I have to say I'm a bit puzzled they did four seasons of it, considering the premise should cover one season at best, but hey, I'm only at episode four, so what do I know? *shrugs*

So yep, it's been a pretty eventful week for me. My cousin comes back from Ireland tomorrow, and on sunday we're going to see Rogue One together, and then have sushi. We did the same thing last year, almost to the day. I had just started chemo, I was still hurting everywhere and I'd just lost my hair. A couple of days later I got surgery for the cvc. It was as tiring as climbing a mountain, but I was so ecstatic to be out of the house for something other than being in the hospital. So now it's our December tradition to celebrate how far I've come: watch a Star Wars movie, have sushi, and this time nothing is going to hurt! \o/
nausicaa83: (<flash> superfriends)
So here's the update about how I've been doing! I still need to learn that my body is a lot weaker than I'm used to, and everytime I'm caught in a cold draft I end up with a stiff neck for a week, coughing and the like. So there's that. But at least I don't panic anymore, and that counts as a win. I've been to therapy twice, tried to arrange for the plumber to come over, I finally got the receipt for my taxes back from the accountant, and arranged a meeting with my lawyer.

Other than that boring - but awesome because it makes me feel like a normal competent adult again - stuff, I've been doing lots of wonderful things that make me feel like a normal adult with hobbies. In no particular order, I've been taking lots of cute pictures of my cat:

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Baking cookies for the first time in almost two years:

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And they came out delicious, if I do say so myself. I've been playing World of Final Fantasy and Final Fantasy XV and enjoying them both a lot, even though I'll have to wait to continue playing FFXV until January because I don't have a PS4 back in Piedmont. The new Rivers of London book finally came out, and it was brilliant. They finally went back to London and the main plot was back again, although I wish they'd spent more time in the Folly. It felt like we were barely there. It was still great to see Nightingale again, though.

I've been binge-watching Supergirl, and it's adorable although the plot is kinda weak, especially considering how it's the strongest aspect of The Flash. I love how the cast is mostly female, and how they are not even in the vicinity of fucking around when talking about sexism. Plus the way the coming out story was handled was perfect and had me in tears at how great it was, and if only they eased up on the love triangles for Kara and gave us a stronger main plot it would be absolutely perfect. I feel a bit envious of today's little girls who have shows like this one, to be honest.

I'm also re-watching season 2 of The Flash because I love it, and I get to watch the blurays on my awesome tv instead of mkv files on my laptop. HD quality, oh yeah. *_____* Today the super crossover finally started (I don't think the Supergirl episode really counts), and it was everything I wanted and more. I watched it twice in a row squealing and cheering. It feels so good to be so invested in a tv show again! \o/
nausicaa83: (<007> death)
What a week! Me, I've been doing fine, even if with the cold and then humid weather the sore neck came back with a vengeance. I've been doing exercise and putting cream on it and wearing a scarf indoors and it's finally getting better. But the worst was obviously yet to come, because as soon as I left my family's home in Ceva, Piedmont, it started raining over there. And raining. And by thursday the river that runs through Ceva flooded the town. My aunt was stranded on the other side of the city, and had to spend the night in a hotel on top of the hill, with no electricity and a cellphone with a failing battery that she used to call us for a few seconds at a time. My uncle and younger cousin were home, by the river, in our nice flat on the ground floor, because obviously it is. They spent the day putting anything valuable on top of the shelves, parking the cars on top of a little hill behind the house, taking pictures of the muddy water rising, and trying to calm me down when I called them every other hour in an increasing panic. When the river finally came, it stopped a few inches from our house, but flooded all our neighbours. My family are all safe and sound, and there was no damage to our home, and they've spent the last few days helping their neighbours and cleaning up mud downtown. They're all shaken but fine. And we're all thanking our lucky stars that Francesca is in Ireland with her boyfriend, and most of all that I'm here, because that would have been the cherry on top, me with my delicate health and all in the midst of a freaking flood.

This entry was supposed to be about all the lovely things I've done during my first week back home, but then that happened, so I'm going to need a couple more days to relax. Stay tuned.
nausicaa83: (<x-men> stop the flow of time)
Health news first! I've had a cold for the past week, nothing much but for this cough I got. Which scared me because my left lung has been damaged by the pleurisy last year (good times), so I spent the whole week crazy anxious about it. This morning I had the usual blood test, medical examination and immunotherapy. The oncologist checked me all over and said it's just a cold, nothing new with my lungs, plus everything else looks even better than last time! That's a huge weight off my mind. I'm now torn in two: on one hand the sudden relief has me so relaxed I feel like falling asleep any second now, but on the other hand they gave me half a liter of cortisone today, and that's like three shots of espresso directly in my veins. Is this what doing drugs feels like? So weird.

In other news I'm still in shock from the election news, and I've been turning to Samantha Bee, John Oliver and Stephen Colbert for guidance and hope. Considering they all look various degrees of infuriated and shell-shocked, it's been less about comfort and more about feeling I'm not alone in still being unable to wrap my mind around it.

In other good news, I just bought a train ticket for thursday, so I can spend two weeks home, and I've already booked two therapy sessions with my therapist back in Venice. I'll stay there until 5 December, woot woot! \o/

11/9

Nov. 10th, 2016 12:12 pm
nausicaa83: (<avengers> peggy carter)
So, well, that happened. I still need time to process it, as yesterday I was out for most of the day, had my monthly shot at the hospital, and couldn't really focus on what was happening. I genuinely didn't expect that to happen. I obviously live in a very leftist bubble online, and it made me think that my friends, and the artists and writers and comedians I love and respect, shared their views with the majority of the American people, and it wasn't true. I don't know what's going to happen from now on. Contrary to what happened with Berlusconi, who only fucked up my little country, this has the potential of destroying a lot of lives all over the globe. I read the Guardian, BBC News, and everyone looked shellshocked. We woke up and it's a sad new world.

That being said, I want to stay positive and optimistic, because that's who I am, that's how I survive. We live in a different world than in 1928, a globalized world, a world with internet, where people are closer than it was ever thought possible. And that is our greatest strength, being able to talk to people from all over the world, vastly different human beings from different cultures, from whom we can learn so much. We're not little islands anymore, we're part of the continent. And that forces us to acknowledge different points of view, different lifestyles. That has to count for something. That has to make a difference.

To my American friends, stay strong. It's only a passing thing, this shadow.
nausicaa83: (<flash> selfie)
To those who celebrate it, I hope you had a great Halloween! I spent my evening re-watching Over The Garden Wall, even if I almost fell asleep more than once because I'm still feeling cranky from daylight savings time ending last sunday. It's only one hour, but it messes up my body's circadian rhythm like there's no tomorrow. It usually takes me one week to go back to normal.

During the weekend I watched Black Mirror on Netflix, because everyone on twitter was talking about it. Netflix messed up the order of the episodes, and I only noticed at the end, so I watched the third season first, then the christmas special, second season, and the first one at the end. It's an anthology, so it didn't affect anything, but I was wondering why the budget seemed to decrease in time. :D Anyway, I thought it was brilliant! It reminds me a lot of Philip K Dick, so if that's your kind of sci-fi, you'll love it. The acting is always great, and I loved how they didn't demonize modern technology: each episode is a study on humanity, and the technological aspect serves only to enable certain human behaviours. Fascinating. My favourite episode is San Junipero, because I'm predictable like that. ;)

I've also started watching Yuri on Ice, this new adorable anime about figure skating. The characters are lovely, the animation is great, and the figure skating part is done by people who know what they're talking about. It's awesome!

About real life, nothing much is happening: my aunt is spending the week in Sicily with her mom, so I miss her a lot. This evening my uncle is taking us to the cinema to watch Jason Bourne - I wouldn't normally watch it, as I find the Bourne movies super boring, but I love the idea of going to the cinema with my family, so I don't even care about the movie. It's also the week with no immunotherapy, so yay for no trips to the hospital or needles in my arms! \o/
nausicaa83: (<steven universe> peace and love)
What a lovely day! Wednesday is my favourite day of the week: my aunt is home from work, it's farmer's market day, and we go shopping and to offices together, it's great. Plus now it's also the day they release the new Flash episode, so there's that too. ♥

Today my aunt, my cousin Francesca and I went to the hospital to book my family physician for another year: since I technically do not live here in Piedmont, but in Venice, I have to renew my subscription to a general practitioner every year as long as I'm staying here to do immunotherapy. Then we went to the market, to the bank, to buy a couple of cute shirts for my cousin, and then to another office for me. I walked a lot, showed my new cute curly hair to everyone, I had a wonderful time. After lunch I had a shower, watched the new Flash episode (I looooooved it!), bounced around my aunt who was trying to clean the floors. My mom used to say I was a lot like a cat, but there are days I'm more like a labrador puppy. :D
nausicaa83: (<flash> group hug)
Only the weekend left then I'm going back to Piedmont. I've got the usual meds on tuesday, then a two-week break, then the monthly shot, and then I'll be back here. I'm really getting the hang of this! I've learned how to stock the cupboards here with nonperishable food, when to book the sessions with my therapist, and how to plan activities based on where I am on any given week. And I've bought travel-sized Lush soaps and shampoos, so I can leave one in each house and always smell great. ^^

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Speaking of, my Adagio Teas order finally arrived. I decided to replenish the tea reserves here a month ago, but as always the package got stuck at customs in Milan, and they sent me a bunch of forms to fill out and send them back, asking me crazy questions about my package, like "does it contain seal skins? does it contain products forbidden by the EU like animal bones or explosives?" or basically "are you a terrorist/serial killer?". What the heck. What do people order from the States?!

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Other than that I've been enjoying this little holiday a lot. I went to therapy on the hottest autumn day ever, so I took a little stroll downtown before and after, soaking in the sunlight and taking pictures of my beautiful sun-kissed city without the hassle of the hordes of tourists. I love the fall. I resumed playing the drums and the ukulele, but always remembering to stretch because my muscles are still weak and soft.

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And I finally managed to take a good picture of Sakura! You know, one where her butt doesn't occupy 90% of the screen. :D The funny thing is, I took this picture when I was really angry with her. I had been searching for her for twenty minutes, and she wasn't answering when I called her, and I couldn't find her anywhere. I started thinking she might have run out of the door, or crazy stuff like that, and then I found her. She had opened my suitcase, that I keep under my bed, and she'd been sleeping inside it the whole time. So I took this picture five minutes later while I was complaining with my aunt on the phone of how Sakura had given me such a scare and wouldn't respond when I called, and sent it with the caption "and she's just sitting here looking all innocent too!".

It is a pretty picture though. :D
nausicaa83: (<disney> menestrello)
Real life news first, tomorrow I got my monthly shot (still immunotherapy, but this one is a shot not a drip), then on wednesday I'll go back home to Venice for a couple of weeks. I need to call the plumber to do a minor fix on the boiler, and since the weather has already turned to the cold and damp, the sooner the better. I also have to check with the bank and the lawyer, and I have a therapy session already planned for the 18th. I have appointments, and they're not hospital-related. You have no idea how new it is, and how happy it makes me. Especially since this is one year to the week since I was first admitted to the hospital, spent a month there, and got my diagnosis. I'm already organizing a little get together with two wonderful women I shared a room with back then, to celebrate how one year later we're all healthy and free of pain. ^^

My oldest cousin has moved back with us, as she's finished with her exams and needs only to work on her graduation dissertation. We go along splendidly, and since everyone else in the family has a job, that means I do not have to spend most of the day here alone anymore. That's probably why I'm always so cheerful lately!

In fandom news, the new Rick Riordan book, Magnus Chase and the Hammer of Thor, finally arrived, along with The Answer by Rebecca Sugar. The latter I've already read, and it's even more adorable than I thought possible. I can't wait to read the former, but I'll save it for the train ride back home. Today I also bought the new Green Day album on iTunes, Revolution Radio: you know we fucked up when Green Day have to release a new political album. It's awesome, and I loved it way more than the previous triplets (Uno, Dos and Tres). I hope they'll release a couple of singles on Rock Band soon, I would love to play them!

To be fair most of my free time this past week has been spent marathoning The Flash. A little backstory here: I'm more of a Marvel girl, I watched the first season of Arrow and didn't like it, and I had watched the first couple of episodes of The Flash months ago and then forgot about it. But then last tuesday they did an Honest Trailer about this show, and they were so enthusiastic about it I got curious and started watching it again.

And holy shit, it's SO GOOD. It has an amazing plot, full of plot twists but always consistent, great character development, a very diverse cast, a lot of positive representation for adoptive families, and a main character who's good and kind, who always sees the best in people. Plus, time travel and alternate steampunk dimensions. It's like they made a list of all the things I like, and just mashed them together in one clever, funny, heart-warming show. What the hell, CW, I thought I had you figured out. I was so wrong.

So if you haven't, watch it, you'll love it. If you have, I need to talk about it with someone! Although it'll probably be mostly flailing my arms like a muppet and squealing, so you've been warned. ;)
nausicaa83: (<hot fuzz> true love)
Just like I hoped, my birthday has been a turning point for me. I tend to fixate on dates and anniversaries, even too much, but sometimes that obsession does help. I feel like my birthday ended the awful year of illness and pain, and now I've started a new year of healing. I know it sounds a bit weird and new-ageish, but you know what I mean. I've spent a great week at home, I've made some wonderful new friends (thanks to [livejournal.com profile] capracotta, who is amazing), I've been to the bank and the restaurant and I've done laundry and everything feels normal and new at the same time. I feel like I'm taking control of my life once again, a life that includes monthly trips to the hospital, but also hanging out with my friends, going to the cinema, making marmalade with my aunt. I can do it. ^^

And in this spirit, here's an old meme because I need to start posting regularly here again, instead of only when I got news about chemo. New leaf.

day one • a song
day two • a picture
day three • a book/ebook/fanfic
day four • a website
day five • a youtube clip



And now, some fandom news! I finally watched that new Shane Black movie, The Nice Guys, and I loved it. It was funny as hell, the mystery was intriguing and had me on the edge of my seat trying to figure it out first, and Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe have excellent chemistry. Plus the little girl was amazing, I can't wait to see more of her. I wish Shane Black did more movies, and that they did better at the box office. I think I liked this one even more than Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and that's one of my favourites. Highly recommended.

Brooklyn Nine Nine and Star Vs The Forces Of Evil are back, and they're both still amazing. I know I'm overdoing it with that adjective, but it's true, they're both objectively amazing shows. I still have to watch that new Once Upon A Time episode, mostly because I got derailed by Final Fantasy Type 0: I played it for a month more than a year ago, then stopped just before leaving for the final dungeon. I can't remember why. Then last weekend I finally finished it, witnessed the incredibly depressing ending (even sadder than Crisis Core's, come on!), and now I'm replaying it from start because I'm not ready to let go of these characters. And I love the gameplay. ^^ Also I hurt my shoulder playing drums. Probably the most metal thing I did all year.

So that's it for me today, but I promise to be back tomorrow.
nausicaa83: (<cardcaptor sakura> wind on the roof)
First things first, I want to thank you all for always leaving me comments on my entries. It's sometimes really hard to answer because I get all wrapped up in my own head, but I cherish them all so very very much. It's hard to explain how important it is to know you're still in your friends' thoughts. So, thank you. ♥

Brief medical update: this new medicine seems to be working. It's only been two weeks and not full dosage yet, but it looks like it's doing his job. I'm being cautiously optimistic. Yesterday I was supposed to have the usual pet scan to check things out, but the super expensive machine broke, and they called me to say they had to postpone my appointment. So there's that. Either way next tuesday I'll do the first full dose of this new awesome medicine, so I'm very excited. Then it's my birthday, and after that I wanted to go back home for a couple of weeks, but now with having to wait for them to fix that machine all my plans have been derailed. We'll see.

And now fandom update because I do tend to only talk about my illness and meds and I need to work on that. So, let's see. I read Gone Girl, got traumatized. It is a great novel, although I'm not sure if it's really misogynistic or not. Some parts definitely are. But it's true that we never get true sociopathic female villains either. I don't know, it is confusing. I think... it is feminist to want female villains instead of always good, always kind, always nurturing women, but the way this particular character is evil is deeply feminine, in a way that's very misogynistic. At least that's what I got from it.

Last weekend we took a trip to the Alps! It was so foggy it looked like Silent Hill, but I was super excited because I hadn't been so high up (1880m!) since I was a kid, and I took lots of pictures with my phone that ended up looking like location scouting for a Wuthering Heights movie. It was fun though. :D

And I had a haircut! My hair has been growing like a pumpkin patch, so it was time to give it a proper shape. I really love how it looks, it's short and spunky. And even a bit curly in the back, which is completely new. ^^

I've been watching a few movies off my To-See folder (Argo, Spotlight, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zisshou, Lars and The Real Girl), but they were all sort of really depressing. I need to scout Netflix for something lighter and funnier! Suggestions are always welcome. ;)

I promise I'll try to update more often, and keep my life front and center, and not let the illness always take the spotlight. Love you all!
nausicaa83: (<ashes to ashes> real love)
I'm back! It's been some month. The shady thing was indeed shady, and I was supposed to start that new cycle of chemo a couple of weeks ago, but then I told my oncologist I've been feeling a lot better lately, and stronger, and she decided to wait another month, do more tests, and then see. Me, I've accepted the idea I need to do that new chemo and I've stopped worrying about it. I jumped back on a train and came back home in Venice to enjoy a couple of weeks of holiday before I have to go back, and start the whole process of being poked and prodded and turned inside out like a sock all over again.

I spent the first week alone at home, for the first time since this whole thing started a year ago. It was amazing and surreal, to feel strong and healthy enough not to need someone taking care of me, being able to do things like grocery shopping and cleaning the floors and so on without breaking a sweat. Last friday I had the first therapy session since last September; I've been keeping in touch with my therapist daily ever since, obviously, but this was the first actual session. I needed it so much. On monday I went to the beach with Tati and her mom and we spent the most lovely day together. Yesterday Tati and I went to the cinema to watch Star Trek Beyond, which we both loved a lot, and we've been playing Life Is Strange together. What a beautiful game! Very heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but amazingly written and acted, wow.

And all the while I've been trying to catch Pokemon everywhere I go. Turns out downtown Venice has a lot of pokestops but almost no actual pokemons. Weird.

So this has been July for me.
nausicaa83: (<kingdom hearts> start a new journey)
Health update, I'm feeling a lot better! First of all, thanks for all the lovely messages on my last post, you made my day and week, I wish I could hug you all! The good news is, I'm back home until tuesday. I was feeling better, and I had lots of stuff to do (mainly taxes). Plus I really missed my best friend. And my cat. Yesterday I woke up with a cold, because the weather is crazy and my immune system isn't up to par yet, but other than that I'm really enjoying not having to worry about that stupid cvc ever again. And my nails have started to grow again, although very slowly. I'm finally getting the chemo out of my system!

From a mental point of view, things are a little murkier. It's great to be back home, but it also feels very weird. Everything is exactly the same as I left it, but I feel like a completely different person. It's jarring. It'll take me some time to get used to it again. Next wednesday I have another PET, to check if the cure is still working. I do feel fine, but I'm still really scared. It can't be helped, I guess. On the 17th it's immunotherapy time again, then I'm free for three weeks. So unless they schedule another visit/exam for the end of the month, I'll probably come back here for another couple of weeks. This is going to be my life for a while.

Not everything feels weird though. Sakura cuddles me constantly, and on my second day here I made sea salt ice cream and it came out perfect. I'm very proud of myself! And Tati came to stay here with me, which always makes me incredibly happy. I've been watching cartoons, playing videogames, and eating ice cream. It's been a great holiday. ^^

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