"There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet, no matter where you live."

[nausicaa83]

Today I had a great, but very exhausting therapy session. My therapist has been trying to make me include my fandoms in our talks, so today, after beating around the bush for twenty minutes, this is what happened:

Me: "I've been really into Captain America 2 lately, and everyone in the fandom is writing about so many interesting topics, and since two of the main characters are war vets with PTSD, the other day I stumbled on a list of PTSD symptoms in soldiers, and I kinda think I had almost all of them in high school. But I wonder if it's just one those things when you read about a illness online and your brain tries to convince you you have it or..."
Therapist: "You definitely, definitely had it."
Me: "Oh."
Therapist: "How does knowing that make you feel?"
Me: "Sort of... relieved? That I wasn't insane?"

And then we talked a lot more about it, and we're going to talk about it again on friday. She did the Face, the don't-you-try-and-change-the-subject-next-this-is-important Face. And I'm not going to, because it made me feel weirdly better, like sort of validated. I wish I could go back in time and give kid!Nausicaa a pat on the back. So many things make a lot of sense now. Plus I feel like my therapist had been trying to break the news to me for some time, but she was just waiting for the right moment. What do you know, superheroes help in real life too!

And then I went to my favourite chocolaterie and bought three packets of biscuits, and the woman there gave me a huge piece of salted caramel chocolate for free. I probably looked a bit dumbfounded. There are a lot of episodes from my teenage years that now make a lot more sense.

By late afternoon I was free, and I practiced some more on my ukulele. I've started working on more difficult chords than the usual C, G and Am, so I've been practicing Up The Wolves and Sax Rohmer #1 by The Mountain Goats, which are the right amount of "how the fuck am I going to reach that spot with my pinky?!" without making me want to throw the instrument out of the window (read: every Simon & Garfunkel song ever). Then I did a bit of Stairway To Heaven, which is surprisingly (at least for me) really, really easy. I can even do the interlude!

So, chocolate, Led Zeppelin and huge personal epiphanies. Today had it all! ^^

Comments

[nausicaa83.livejournal.com]

Actually I usually don't. It's not on purpose, I just separate the two things a lot in my head. Once I couldn't really explain something, so I used a Lord of the Rings reference, and she was overjoyed. Now I'm trying to use fandom references more, it's just that it doesn't come natural. It's like they're two completely different universes in my head, Happy Fandom Land and Gloomy Real Life Plains.

I'll probably do a video of me playing the ukulele, like I did with the drums, when I learn how to play a song properly from start to finish, intro and interlude included. *_____*