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Jan. 19th, 2007 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nausicaa83As I have two birthdays approaching, today I went to the bookstore to buy them some gifts. And as a result I bought four new books for myself, and I had to stop me from taking another stroll through all the shop. I so much need a new room to store my books, manga, cds and dvds! Maybe I have some sort of capitalist inner soul, because when I like a book I want to own it. I've lived in the library from the age of six to the age of thirteen, but after that I couldn't stand the idea of reading a book and then giving it back. It probably has something to do with that childish urge to hear the same story every night, only that it started happening to me as a teenager, and I fear it's here to stay. Another thing that doesn't help is that I'm really fast at reading. Really, really fast. I don't skip sentences, I read everything, but still I'm terribly fast for my own good. In the last hour I've already read one of the four books. I do need to slow down a bit with my life, mom always said that it looked as if someone was about to come and steal the book from me.
I also went to my lawyer's office, and as he wasn't there I left him a note: he has to call my mom's school (I mean, the school where she used to teach), as suddenly this morning they decided they needed some papers and signing on my part, and couldn't possibly wait for february, after my first surgery. He'll call them on monday, and tell them, in a polite way, to calm down, and repeat the same things all over again: that no, we can't give them those papers until all the legal stuff is over, and that is not bound to happen anytime soon. Even so, that adds anxiety to my already confused mind: the fact that having this laser stuff on the 30 january, plus another almost certain one in the middle of the month will probably prevent me from doing any exams at the university until late spring, is enough to cause me bad dreams, and a terrible sense of guilt. I'm already confused enough about my future, and for the first time I sincerely have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I suppose I have to do the same thing I'm doing since 2005: live just one day at a time.
The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me
You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold
Thunder Road
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
>From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win.
This song is me when I was thirteen. No kidding. During that year I listened to so many songs that became pillars of my soul, but this one is probably the one I love the most. Even if I hated cars as I suffered from car sickness, I didn't know who Roy Orbison was, and the line "maybe we ain't that young anymore" couldn't apply at all to me. Those are really good memories. Strange, as today I threw the last one of my diaries I had left (the 1997-2000 one) away, as I wanted to cut any bond with a part of my past I couldn't relate to anymore. I guess I just like to contradict myself. ^^
I also went to my lawyer's office, and as he wasn't there I left him a note: he has to call my mom's school (I mean, the school where she used to teach), as suddenly this morning they decided they needed some papers and signing on my part, and couldn't possibly wait for february, after my first surgery. He'll call them on monday, and tell them, in a polite way, to calm down, and repeat the same things all over again: that no, we can't give them those papers until all the legal stuff is over, and that is not bound to happen anytime soon. Even so, that adds anxiety to my already confused mind: the fact that having this laser stuff on the 30 january, plus another almost certain one in the middle of the month will probably prevent me from doing any exams at the university until late spring, is enough to cause me bad dreams, and a terrible sense of guilt. I'm already confused enough about my future, and for the first time I sincerely have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. I suppose I have to do the same thing I'm doing since 2005: live just one day at a time.
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me
You can hide 'neath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I'm no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold
Thunder Road
Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my car's out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
>From your front porch to my front seat
The door's open but the ride it ain't free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain't spoken
But tonight we'll be free
All the promises'll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets
They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
It's a town full of losers
And I'm pulling out of here to win.
This song is me when I was thirteen. No kidding. During that year I listened to so many songs that became pillars of my soul, but this one is probably the one I love the most. Even if I hated cars as I suffered from car sickness, I didn't know who Roy Orbison was, and the line "maybe we ain't that young anymore" couldn't apply at all to me. Those are really good memories. Strange, as today I threw the last one of my diaries I had left (the 1997-2000 one) away, as I wanted to cut any bond with a part of my past I couldn't relate to anymore. I guess I just like to contradict myself. ^^
