Nausicaa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nausicaa83) wrote2011-12-15 05:05 pm
nausicaa83) wrote2011-12-15 05:05 pm
Entry tags:
"Tilt my chin back slit my throat take a bath in my blood get to know me."
It's that time of the year again, time for my most important annual entry. Today I had my oncological check-up, and I'm absolutely fine. It doesn't get any healthier than this.
*does a happy jiggity jiggity dance on the spot*
That's obviously great, but a lot of other things happened that completely drained me. I feel like somebody took all the bones from my body and stashed them somewhere I have no access to.
It's an oncology wing, so the waiting room is all, you know, people who had cancer. And most of them still have it. So it's not the happiest place on earth. But this morning there was a woman there and we started talking a bit, she had had breast cancer like me, and then another lady jumped in the conversation, and it turned out that her husband was dying in a room next to us, and then they both started crying, and suddenly I was hugging them both, and looking for a nurse, and when the nurse came she said something like "everybody has problems here, let's focus on the positive". Woman, you're not helping. There's no positive here, no bright side. Shut up and help me hug two persons at once, and that's it.
It turns out I'm still quite good at cheering people up (it's one of those things I'm *really* proud of when it comes to my personality), because we parted with hugs and smiles, but it was obviously quite tiring for me too.
Then it turned out that I didn't gain any weight like I was so sure of. I weigh the same I did five years ago, and even lost a bit of weight since last year. Even if the doctor says it's fine, I'm pissed off. I lost a lot of weight when I was sick (man, I was a skeleton), and since then I get very, very frightened when I think about losing any weight, and even if I eat a lot and have a healthy diet and everything my body is stuck on these numbers. Yes, it's all about me being too nervous about the subject, but I'm not that rational when it comes to weight and weighing scales and so on.
Then I came back home and a doctor called from the hospital about mom, and it was just about discussing her therapy, usual stuff, but it sounded like he was very confused, or reading from the wrong papers, or maybe high, I don't know, so it took me half an hour to learn something useful from the guy. It was like hitting my head on a brick wall.
In conclusion, it was one of those days when it feels like you're walking against the wind. Very tiring, but I managed to accomplish everything.
And now I'll just crawl to the couch and have a long cuddling session with my cat and forget about the rest of the world for a while. Over and out. ^^
*does a happy jiggity jiggity dance on the spot*
That's obviously great, but a lot of other things happened that completely drained me. I feel like somebody took all the bones from my body and stashed them somewhere I have no access to.
It's an oncology wing, so the waiting room is all, you know, people who had cancer. And most of them still have it. So it's not the happiest place on earth. But this morning there was a woman there and we started talking a bit, she had had breast cancer like me, and then another lady jumped in the conversation, and it turned out that her husband was dying in a room next to us, and then they both started crying, and suddenly I was hugging them both, and looking for a nurse, and when the nurse came she said something like "everybody has problems here, let's focus on the positive". Woman, you're not helping. There's no positive here, no bright side. Shut up and help me hug two persons at once, and that's it.
It turns out I'm still quite good at cheering people up (it's one of those things I'm *really* proud of when it comes to my personality), because we parted with hugs and smiles, but it was obviously quite tiring for me too.
Then it turned out that I didn't gain any weight like I was so sure of. I weigh the same I did five years ago, and even lost a bit of weight since last year. Even if the doctor says it's fine, I'm pissed off. I lost a lot of weight when I was sick (man, I was a skeleton), and since then I get very, very frightened when I think about losing any weight, and even if I eat a lot and have a healthy diet and everything my body is stuck on these numbers. Yes, it's all about me being too nervous about the subject, but I'm not that rational when it comes to weight and weighing scales and so on.
Then I came back home and a doctor called from the hospital about mom, and it was just about discussing her therapy, usual stuff, but it sounded like he was very confused, or reading from the wrong papers, or maybe high, I don't know, so it took me half an hour to learn something useful from the guy. It was like hitting my head on a brick wall.
In conclusion, it was one of those days when it feels like you're walking against the wind. Very tiring, but I managed to accomplish everything.
And now I'll just crawl to the couch and have a long cuddling session with my cat and forget about the rest of the world for a while. Over and out. ^^